I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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