just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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