The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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