1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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