My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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