next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
