i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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