please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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