I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
