evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
