Nicole vs. Life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
