Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
