Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
