I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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