Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
