I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My liver just had a heart attack.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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