Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
