Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
