her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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