Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
