So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
