I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
