i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No I am not eating basil off your cock
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
