Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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