have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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