i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize