I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Randomize
