BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
