These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
