happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
