I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
