I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When are your genitals available?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
