Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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