Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
