I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
do nipples grow back?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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