Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
