i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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