; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize