I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
