that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
