Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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