we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
