He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
