So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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