hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
