shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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