I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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