I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
