help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize