So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
