Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize