we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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