I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
