My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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