i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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