He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
