woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
