My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
