I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
