Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love having hate sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
