I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
