I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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