Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
