Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
