I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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