its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We are two peas in an std pod
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize