he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
either way he was missing a nipple.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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