Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
