Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
