i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize