happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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