To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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