There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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